I feel that this may
be a subject that quite a few of us in the Burlesque community are dealing
with. I’ve been hearing a lot of rumblings about performers being disappointed
about not getting booked in certain shows, and the recent notifications for
BHOF seem to reveal it as an ongoing
theme in our community…
I have been performing in the burlesque community for the
last ten years, the most recent seven of which I have made my living solely on performing. I have been flown all over the world to
perform, perform 4-5 nights a week (on average), make a comfortable living, and
know that I am good at what I do.
I enjoy every success that comes my way and I feel proud of what I have
accomplished… And, as a part of
this process, I experience rejection on a regular basis.
Yesterday, I was notified that I was not accepted into the
Burlesque Hall of Fame, again. In
the grand scheme of my career this should not be as big of a let-down as it
happened to actually be. I have enjoyed many successes because people enjoy my
performances, and my ultimate goal is not to win a crown, but to continue on a
path to keep growing as an artist/entertainer/passionate stripper!
So, why does it bother me (and us) so much? What is it about
this particular event that we all seem to fret over so much? I had to really
stop and think about it. And something came over me yesterday after the
notification. First, it was disappointment and a feeling of “what am I doing
wrong?” and then it hit me… And
with it, a feeling of inspiration and utter relief washed over me. I am clearly
not doing anything wrong - my career is proof of this! It’s not about winning
one competition (or even getting in, for that matter) it’s about winning at my
CAREER! My career is not one show. It’s a decade of shows, and hopefully
another decade to follow that one!
I (like all of you) submitted a piece that I was proud of. I
trust in my art. A host of judges may, or may not, be into what I’m feeling and
am inspired by this particular year. Or they were seeking more than my vision
was offering. But as long as I stay true to myself, I can continue to make
meaningful and inspired work that I enjoy making and sharing. I feel absolute
euphoria when I’m onstage. And I would be honored to share that feeling onstage
at BHOF, in a theater filled with my peers from all over the world. But it
simply isn’t my time, or the judges were into something different. I have faith
in my art and I have passion for my art. My rejection wasn’t personal. None of
the rejections were personal.
I always dreamed of being a dancer. I spent most of my life
in dance studios and ultimately in a performing arts conservatory college for
dance. I spent literally 8 hours a day in the dance studio studying technique,
choreography, the ins and outs of the body and how our muscles work,
over-and-over. In all of those classes I was constantly picked apart. My
teachers told me DAILY that something I was doing was wrong, and to “fix it.”
It is a hard thing to hear at first, but after a while, like anything you get
used to it. I knew that my teachers weren’t “out to get” me - they wanted me to
be the best I could be. And how was I going to be the best if I didn’t know
what I was doing wrong? It was positive criticism. And it wasn’t necessarily
always told to me in a nice way. I think this is true for all arts educations.
You are constantly being critiqued and told what to do to make it better. All
so that you can leave school and go to audition after audition and compete
against hundreds of other dancers for ONE job.
Yesterday, I realized that rejection in the burlesque
community might be a similar thing to the rejection and criticism in the arts
education. I never took it personally when a choreographer didn’t pick me out
of the sea of other dancers in an audition. I got disappointed, but I
understood that maybe my body wasn’t the one that was going to see THEIR vision
out. The same goes if I don’t get hired for a Burlesque show that I really want
to be in, I may not do work that that specific producer wants for THEIR show.
But, as long as I am working toward MY vision and getting stronger and working
hard at what I love, then I am on the right path.
The jobs and acceptance letters will come when my vision
happens to fit the producers or judges. I would be doing myself, as an artist,
a disservice to not focus on my vision because I think that it might not be
what they’re looking for. Just being the best you you can be is all you need to
do. Keep making work that you LOVE and everything else will follow. The cheer
of the audience after every show you do, large or small is more important than
anything else! Relish in the sea of love from your next audience, and be proud
that you have brought joy to them. That’s what is truly important!
A group of judges are not responsible for your feelings of
worth. YOU are responsible. Your feeling when you’re onstage is responsible.
Your undeniable passion for your audience is responsible. The joy that being
onstage gives you is responsible. It comes from within you! If you are working
toward someone else’s’ vision (be it a beautiful one or not), it’s still
someone else’s’ vision and may not be yours! Why would you work toward someone
else’s vision? If what YOU do fits then that’s awesome!! If not, you should
never change who you are as a performer to fit in. (this goes for ANY job) Just
be your amazing self and enjoy everything that that brings you!
We are soul strippers, strippers forever, and forever
growing!
